If I Stay
by 23keys
Summary: Looking for Alaska from Alaska's Point of View. Alaska Young, master prankster, must survive the school year at Culver Creek boarding school in Alabama. Alaska has to learn how to balance her feelings towards the new boy, her friends, and of course, her headful of pranks.
1. Chapter 1

136 days before

It was only a week until school started back at the Creek, and I was thrilled. My room was filled with piles of clothing, which were intermingled with stacks of books. I stood in the middle of it all, randomly tossing as many books as possible into my trunk. I know summer is supposed to the time of year that every teenage girl likes most, but it just didn't contain the elegance that the other seasons held for me. I had always enjoyed going back to school. When I was little, I would stay up all night before the first day of school, too thrilled to go to sleep, fueled by the smell of newly sharpened pencils and the feel of crisp paper. But I was a teenager now, and I wasn't supposed to show my excitement for that kind of stuff, so I instead occupied myself with throwing the books into my trunk with as much force as I could.

_Plunk._

_Plunk._

_Plunk. _


	2. Chapter 2

128 days before

I threw open the door of my dorm room with reckless abandon. Everything was exactly as I had remembered- bunk bed, desk, and bookshelf. All of which were bolted to the floor to prevent any creative dorm- room arrangements. But, hey- it was home. I hauled in my trunk with no help. I had driven here alone this morning in the Blue Lemon, my faithful but very persnickety old clunker of a car. Hadn't even said goodbye to Jake or my dad, just waltzed out the door. What's the point of goodbye if you know you're going to see the other person again?

I started taking all the books out of my very heavy trunk, piling them on the bookshelf as I went. My Life's Library, I liked to call it. I've gone to summer garage sales and picked out every book that looked interesting to me since I was a little girl. A couple of years ago, my collection threatened to overthrow my bookshelf, so I started stacking the books on the floor. Now, my room was literally a sea of books. Mounds of books were everywhere. Haphazard piles threatened to tip at any second. But the danger is half the fun, right?

A knock sounded at the door right as I balanced the last stack of novels.

"Oh my God come in you short little man because I have the best story" I screamed loudly.

The door opened and in walked the Colonel. Five foot something; the Colonel was small, but built. He oozed confidence and leadership, and those who underestimated him because of his height were quickly set on the right track. His real name wasn't the Colonel, of course, it was Chip, but we called him that because he was the executing force behind all of our pranks. I had all the ideas, though. We had met freshman year, through a combined interest in "booze in mischief", as he liked to call it.

I started telling him about the only remotely interesting point of my summer. The first day of summer, my friend Justin and I were sitting watching TV when all of a sudden, he put his arm around me (non-romantically, of course, I had a boyfriend, for god's sake). I thought it was just a nice little moment between friends, when all of a sudden, he leaned over and he grabbed my boob. Wait, no. He didn't just grab it. He honked it, a long, firm _honk_. My first reaction was to just sit there in awkward silence thinking "what the hell how do I get out of this assault on my chest". My second reaction was "God, this would be a great story to tell the Colonel and Takumi".

I was right about that, because the Colonel cracked up. He shifted a little, and I realized that we weren't alone. Another boy had entered the room behind him. He was tall- around six feet, I'd guess, and skinny as a rail. He had a shock of light brown hair sticking up, and was somewhat cute. Really cute, actually, in that deer-in-the-headlights sort of way. He had on a plain white t-shirt, and baggy shorts that defied gravity by even managing to stay up on his hips. Right now, he had a partially (well, mostly) stunned look on his face, as he had just been thrust into god-knows-what.

"Who's the guy not laughing at my very funny story?" I asked the Colonel.

"Oh, right. Alaska, this is Pudge. Pudge memorizes last words. Pudge this is Alaska. She got her boob honked over the summer."

I took at step towards Pudge, my hand out like I was going to shake his, and then at the last minute darted in and pulled down his pants, exposing pale chicken legs. "Those are the biggest shorts in the state of Alabama!" I laughed.

He muttered something about liking them that way while pulling them back up. I decided that it was time to go find Takumi and tell him about my summer adventures. I gracefully kicked the two boys out of my door, and then took off across the campus.


	3. Chapter 3

I found Takumi in his dorm room, carrying in furniture with him roommate, John. Takumi and I had become friends shortly after I had met the Colonel. He was thin and Japanese, only a few inches taller than the Colonel. Like me, he shared a love for pranks and thinking. Unlike me, he was cautious, and less brash.

I bounded into his room with a quick knock on the door that was propped open, and leapt onto the couch that he and John were moving. John sighed, being used to my antics, and Takumi's eyes lit up. "Hey Alaska, how was your summer?" The boys set the couch down, and then Takumi collapsed onto the faded leather next to me. John threw up his hands up in frustration, then went to go carry some chairs by himself. I told Takumi about the Boob Honk, ending again with "…and that was the low point of my summer. Hey, have you seen the new boy yet?"

Takumi shook his head. I was eager enough to spill the dirt. "Well, the Colonel got a new roommate. He's in our year, just got here. He memorizes last words!"

Takumi just looked at me for a second, examining my bright eyes and excitement, then he laughed. "You like him, don't you?" he asked me.

"Well…I don't…. it's just…he's cute, but I have a boyfriend!" I spluttered. Takumi was always the one who could see right through whatever I was feeling. He laughed again. He knew the term "boyfriend" meant nothing to me. I mean, it's not my fault. I like boys, boys like me, and things happen. I shoved him. "Shut up!"

Just then, John reappeared, staggering under the weight of a couple boxes. Takumi leapt up to help him, and I decided that it was time for a cigarette. I bid the boys farewell, then walked down the lake, where I saw the silhouette of a figure sitting alone.


	4. Chapter 4

Getting closer, I saw that the figure was Pudge. He was sitting and swinging, taking short drags off of the cigarette that he held awkwardly between two fingers. He coughed every so often, and I smiled to myself. Judging from the difficulties he was having, I guessed that he either had just started smoking, or didn't do it very often. What an innocent boy.

Just as he made a move to get up, I said suddenly, "So do you really memorize last words?"

I ran up behind him and pushed him back down on the swing. He looked kind of nauseous and tired, like the day had taken a lot out of him.

"Yeah," he said. "You want to quiz me?"

"JFK." I said instantly. My favorite president.

"That's obvious," he immediately responded. So apparently the public school kid had some sass to him.

"Oh, is it now?" I challenged.

"No, those were his last words. Someone said, 'Mr. President, you can't say Dallas doesn't love you,' and then he said, 'That's obvious,' and then he got shot."

I sat silently for a second, thinking about that. It's funny, how it's true that the ones you love hurt you the most. Then I laughed.

"Okay Mr. Famous Last Words Boy. I have one for you." I rummaged around in my massively obese backpack, then pulled out the book I had last been reading. "Gabriel Garcia Marquez. _The General in His Labyrinth._ Absolutely one of my favorites. It's about Simon Bolivar. It's a historical novel, so I don't know if this is true, but in the book, do you know what his last words are? No, you don't. But I am about to tell you, Senor Parting Remarks."

Before I opened up the book, I reached again into my backpack and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. I lit up, then took a long drag before forcefully blowing out the smoke and reading:

"He was shaken by the overwhelming revelation that the headlong race between his misfortunes and his dreams was at that moment reaching the finish line. The rest was darkness. 'Damn it,' he sighed. 'How will I ever get out of this labyrinth!'"

Now those, ladies and gentlemen, are great parting words. Great words in general, actually. How will it end? How will we get out of it, this t_hing_, that has pained us all? Pudge just looked at me, seemingly not realizing how deep the words actually were.

"So what's the labyrinth?" he said. He looked at me searchingly. I didn't answer, just letting the mystery brew. I looked back at him. From his hair to his face to his arms to his skinny stomach to his chicken legs, he was all angles. There was nothing soft about him. There was no continuum, no reason. He was randomness, he was sharpness. And if there's anything that I like, it's chaos.

I leaned closer to him, and said, "That's the mystery, isn't it? Is the labyrinth living or dying? Which is he trying to escape, the world or the end of it?" I fell silent, expecting Pudge to come up with his answer. It soon became obvious that he had no opinion.

"Uh, I don't know," he said. "Have you really read all those books in your room?"

I laughed. "Oh God no. I've maybe read a third of 'em. But going to read them all. But there's so much to do now: cigarettes to smoke, sex to have, swings to swing on. I'll have more time for reading when I'm old and boring." I told him that he reminded me of the Colonel when we first came to Culver Creek. They both had the innocence that was just waiting to be spoiled, the living that had yet to be done. I told him the story of the Colonel's first girlfriend, and of our first prank together.

"You're smart like him," I sighed. "Quieter, though. And cuter, but I didn't even just say that, because I love my boyfriend. He smiled. He had an amazing smile, the first one I'd seen from him. It lit up his entire face, and it made you want to make him do it again.

"Yeah, you're not bad either. But I didn't just say that, because I love my girlfriend. Oh, wait. Right. I don't have one." My heart beat just a little bit faster, hearing him say that. Maybe there was a chance he could go for me, then. Wait. Damn. I didn't just say that either, because, again, I love my boyfriend.

"Yeah, don't worry, Pudge. If there's one thing I can get you, it's a girlfriend. Let's made a deal: You figure out what the labyrinth is and how to get out of it, and I'll get you laid."

"Deal", he said, and we shook hands on it. We got up off the bench, and started walking back through the dorms through the darkness. It was nice not being alone in the dark. "When you're walking at night do you ever get creeped out and even though it's silly and embarrassing you just want to run home?"

"Yeah, totally." He said, smiling.

I grabbed his hand and started running, loving the feel of the wind through my hair. We were the only things moving on this still, hot Alabama night. "Run run run run", I whispered to him, and we parted the darkness to make our way home.


End file.
